Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
