Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
