I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
