also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
