the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
