Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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