I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
