everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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