but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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