the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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