Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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