Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
