Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
