were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
