i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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