My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
