i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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