Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
