his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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