Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
