nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
