My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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