why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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