Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
