and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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