the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
