it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
