at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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