the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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