Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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