I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
