I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
