My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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