Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
