I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
