Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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