i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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