i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I just sharted jello shots
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