no, he came in my armpit
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
