dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
