There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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