So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
