Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
