you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
