So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
