Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
