Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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