I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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