I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
