awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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