Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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