i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
