Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
