four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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