I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
