Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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