That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
