You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
