You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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