Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
