One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
