Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize