my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
