I like my sex mixed with concussions.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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