I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize