it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.