well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding