the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet