Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.