I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
