Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
