if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
