Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
