the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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