"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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