So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
