I want to stick my p in your. b.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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