Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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