Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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