Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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