She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
