Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Too much gin, very little bucket
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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