I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
