PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
