you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
