my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
